Joke

[firefighter]

Oxymorons

1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

2. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

3. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

4. Why do we say something is out of whack?  What is a whack?

5. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

6. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

8. Why do we sing, "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

9. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

10. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light?"

11. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

12.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

13. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

14. Why is "phonetic" not spelled the way it sounds?

15. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay people to do it?

16. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

17. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

18. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

19. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

20. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

21. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

22. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

23. Why do we wash bath towels?  Aren't we clean when we use them?

24. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

25. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

26. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

27.  Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

[RachelVarga]

A bus full of catholic school girls crashes with a train.

The whole bus dies and goes to heaven.

St.peter is standing at the gate as the first girl enters.

St. Peter ask her. Have you ever touched a penis?

Yes with my finger.

Ok well then dip it into the holy water and enter the gates.

The next girl enters the gate again St. Peter ask have you ever touched a penis?

She replies yes with my foot.

With that he says dip your foot into the holy water and enter the kingdom of heaven. She does just that.

Then there's a ruckus from in back of the line and this girl comes barging to the front.

St. Peter holds his hand up and speaks to her sternly. You must wait your turn why are you in such a hurry.

She replies. No hurry just wanted to gargle with the holy water before Mary Teresa sticks her ass in it.

[Cobia]

LOL !!