Interpreting female signal questions for any of the ladies.

Started by clevelandbrowns01, Aug 03, 2018, 02:41 AM

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clevelandbrowns01

There is a particular woman co-worker that I've liked for a long time. Given the issues of it being a workplace, my own fears and lack of success with women etc, I've never had the guts to pursue it. Just isn't my nature either.  It also has been very difficult to tell if there is a SO in the picture. 
   Why do I always fall for women that aren't clear about that?    This is at least the fourth time - this is happened with various women. 
   Why aren't some women clear about it? 

I do trust her - she knows all kinds of crap about me and has never said anything to anyone. A few years ago, she made some large sports bets for me in Vegas too without problem.  She has shared a few things with me (that I know are not common knowledge) so it's a good friendship at this point.

   Why ruin that on some 1% chance that she'd be interested in me?  Even if she is single - that doesn't mean she is interested in me either.

A few years ago, I know there was a SO but now I have no idea. Even back then, she never talked about him. Never had pictures at desk etc. She doesn't do social media so no info to be gained there. A few months ago, she was all bummed out about something but never said what it was.  Maybe that was the SO out of the picture but it easily could have been something else.

She's been super nice and helpful recently for me during a very rough period (my mom was terminally ill and died) and that has me even more interested. I'm sure she realizes that I wasn't telling anyone much about that situation. Yet, she was getting pretty much a daily update during the worst of it. Sometimes, she'd stop by and see how I was doing - so it wasn't just me unloading all this stuff on her.

Now, there is an upcoming company outing in a public place and it could happen that some honest one on one conversation may take place.  Obviously, that only happens if she is there without SO. Of course, it is possible that she is there w/SO (I can be found in the beer tent - if that happens) or that she doesn't attend.  Maybe I could find out in advance if she's going but I don't really want to ask.  I usually don't go to these type of things but I have decided to turn over a new leaf and am going to try it. 

Just in case, I have been thinking about how some type of honest conversation might go. She's got a way of being able to dredge the details out of me - even if I hadn't planned to release them. That's kind of how I ended up telling her about my mom's situation to begin with.

I'm sure she knows that I've got noone so if I'm at this event by myself - maybe that topic could come up.  I have vowed to myself if she directly asks me - for good or bad - I won't lie and would admit my interest. 

   But does she realize it? 

That is the big question.  I haven't told anyone. Alot of our communication is via instant message / email so I don't think people that sit near her would pick up on my interest and tell her. Sometimes I'll go talk to those co-workers hoping it results in conversation with her.  I sort of intentionally limit the face to face interaction because planning my excuse / reason to go talk to her can get a bit draining.  Thus, I'm not in her work area that much (no more than once a day - if that) - so I don't think any of these coworkers would have picked up on anything.  Plus it's a techie environment where most people are wearing headphones and kind of doing their own thing anyway.

Thoughts?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

clevelandbrowns01

If anyone cares - this was much ado about nothing. I didn't try to find out beforehand if she was going to attend so I just went hoping for the best. Alas, she didn't go to the event.  Thus, the night ended a little depressing, alone, and half in the bag for me.  In other words, a typical weekend evening for Clevelandbrowns01.... Should have stayed home and watched preseason football...

RachelVarga

Just go to her and politely ask if she would like to hang out or see a movie this weekend. If she says no then it's done. Don't ask or talk about it again. At that point it's done.

If she yes then there you go.

Problem solved.


Yes it is that easy. It is only as complicated as you make it.
Rachel Varga
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remote start

CB, Rachel hit your original question out of the park.  As a dude, was waiting for a lady to post first.



I'll take a different tack on your question and write a short post to my younger self. It's not meant to help you because you're not me but maybe a nugget of truth will shine through anyway. 

I've known many women.  I can count on one hand the special ones.  The kind who make your head swim and your mouth dry.  The hard to forget ones because they are in your dreams at night.  They have all been vastly different but one trait they shared in common was a well rounded personality.    To a woman, they didn't care about preseason football and they weren't gonna wait for a half drunk guy to gather courage.   

The really worthwhile ones are going out and doing everything that interests them.  They unlock things by exploring.  They also don't owe you a thing, not even a letter as honest as this one.   If you want to connect with a woman who is part of the (football watching) crowd you're doing great.   If however you want to connect with women who are truly one in a million, become one in a million yourself.   It would be disrespectful to tell you how, but I suspect the first step involves turning the tv off.  At least once in awhile. 

CB, feel free to PM me if you want some specifics that I wish I could have said to my younger self.   Good luck.


MrTShirt

Quote from: RachelVarga on Aug 14, 2018, 02:59 AM
Just go to her and politely ask if she would like to hang out or see a movie this weekend. If she says no then it's done. Don't ask or talk about it again. At that point it's done.

If she yes then there you go.

Problem solved.

Yes it is that easy. It is only as complicated as you make it.

Yep.  I asked a lady at the local bank about going out.  She said she was "busy that month".
Pretty obvious what the answer was.

However, I stayed friendly with her.  She would be helpful in banking issues.
Maybe she was worried if she didn't help me, I would ask her out again.   :)

clevelandbrowns01

I guess I'll respond a little to this publicly as well as additionally by PM to both Remote and Rachel. I'll split into two PM's and they will be kind of long - sorry.  Concession to Remote... I did give up playing poker because I just realized I was wasting my time. About three years ago, I was at a private poker game one night and people argued about if Miley Cyrus is a skank for like 45 minutes. I think I've played one time since and really haven't missed it. So, I take your comments seriously. My preseason football comment was really meant as a joke.

My drinking profile is that I pretty much only drink in certain social situations when I'm getting bored. I know I do that and this corporate event ended up fitting that criteria. My best friend and his wife are always drinking so if I'm around them - it can get a bit out of hand too. I will admit that I'm drinking a little more since my Mom's death. Still, I hate hangovers alot more than I like the effects of drinking so I do stay away from it for long stretches. I think I've wrote on this board before that I've went to Vegas and not drank a drop the entire trip and had just as much fun. I love the feeling of waking up early there and walking around.  You see who's up still from the night before, who looks like crap but had to get up early, etc.

No women owes me anything. But maybe I don't owe them anything either. They should not pressure me to keep buying them drinks. They should not ask me to stand there and talk to them because they are avoiding someone else. They should not ask me for a ride to their boyfriend's house at the end of the night. (It was like 30 miles - that one was never going to happen). They shouldn't come up and talk to me for five minutes and then ask me for money to gamble with at the casino. All of these things have happened to me within the last year. Are these the really worthwhile ones?  I suppose not. Are they trying to use their looks to get something?  Absolutely. Still, I'm not really connecting with that group either.

Ironman

Quote from: clevelandbrowns01 on Aug 20, 2018, 05:27 AM
Miley Cyrus is a skank for like 45 minutes.quote]

Skank is maybe a little harsh. But I can't stand her whiney voice, and no matter how many pictures of her butt she post on social media she will never live down Hannah Montana.😄

Speaking of living down.

Her Dad gets an unfair bad rap as a country singer because of Achy Breaky Heart. Which to his credit he has accepted his credit he has accepted he can never live down. But he has done some good stuff. Some Gave All along with a few of his others are still on my play list on my cell.

The country music industry back in the day when he started out just wasn't sure what to make of a guy with long hair dancing around.  But unlike his daughter his signing voice is much less annoying, and he did some stuff I can hang with when I am in the right mood.

OK I know return you to the regularly scheduled topic already in progress.😄


clevelandbrowns01

I was going to put this on Kitti's thread about LPIN's positive impacts but decided to keep that thread focused.

I actually think I accidentally asked the woman to lunch a couple days ago. She came over with her badge, purse etc. to talk with me about a long work problem I had texted her about a couple days earlier.  I figured that was what she came over for but I just sort of said - lunch....  I was implying that she'd probably just got back from lunch - and was going to inquire where she went.  She never goes out to lunch and I knew that.  She says "Oh, I've got lunch at my desk." She had just went for a walk because it was first nice day in like a month.  Anyway, because this was a long problem involving bosses and stuff - I quickly realized she may have thought I was asking her to lunch to discuss. I'd already had lunch but would have had a second lunch if she'd said yes! 

On the positive side, she didn't look aghast at the "invite", run away, report me to HR etc.  She advised me about the problem for about 15 minutes.  Maybe maybe I can try again.... Sadly, I was actually happy with myself that it happened even though it was accidential. That's how pitiful I am.....