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Joke

Started by caveman, Nov 11, 2013, 12:41 AM

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firefighter

Humans are deuterostomes, which means that they develop in the womb, and the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point, you are nothing but an asshole... A problem is that some people never develop beyond this point.
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firefighter

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless you're in prison!"
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firefighter

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still look sexy! ~ Paraprosdokian
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firefighter

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you! ~ Paraprosdokian
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firefighter

You do not need a parachute to skydive; you only need a parachute to skydive twice! ~ Paraprosdokian
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firefighter

"In the nineteenth century masturbation was a disease; in the twentieth, it was a cure."
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firefighter

"I just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex!"
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firefighter

"It'll be a sad day for sexual liberation when the pornography addict has to settle for the real thing!" ~ Brendan Francis
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firefighter

Switching Suits...

"I want you to dress my deceased husband in a light blue suit" said the wife to the undertaker, "since that was his favorite color." After the funeral the wife was very pleased with the undertaker's work and said, "How much extra do I owe you for the nice blue suit? My husband looked wonderful and the suit fit perfectly."

The undertaker retorted, "You don't me owe anything extra ma'am. We didn't have a suit to fit your husband, but we had another man we who looked great in his blue suit so we simply switched their heads!"
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firefighter

Colonoscopy in San Francisco

I was nervous and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy; I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco where the nurses are allegedly more beautiful, gentle and accommodating.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, a gorgeous nurse began my procedure.

"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.

"I haven't got an erection," I replied

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.

The moral of the story is don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco especially if the medical staff plans to put you out completely!
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Violet

I love reading all of these 😂😂😂

dreamscometrue

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

dreamscometrue

A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"

Shay

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

dreamscometrue

Quote from: Krickett on Aug 30, 2016, 05:31 PM
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

LOL now THAT was awesome! I need someone to say that to me!