Joke

[Cobia]

 

[Prospector Bob]

 

Two Ironies to share (an irony being a humorous comparison):

Irony 1.
We are told NOT to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics."
BUT, on the other hand, "We are encouraged TO judge ALL Gun Owners and NRA Members by the actions of a few lunatics."
How is that supposed to be logical thinking?

Irony 2.
The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever to 47.5 million people (most recent figures available April 2013).
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Dept. of the Interior, tells us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." One of their stated reasons for the policy is because "the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves."
I'm confused at their apparent contradictory logic.
http://www.nps.gov/grca/naturescience/wildlife_alert.htm

Thus ends today's two lessons in irony.

Too late for this bear. I wonder if his name is Yogi? Hey! Where's my pic-a-nic basket? 

[caveman]

Nice prospector Bob!

[firefighter]

"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."

[Phoenix]

 

[firefighter]

The teacher asked Johnny, "Why is your cat at school today Johnny?" Little Johnny replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy once Johnny leaves for school today!'"

[caveman]

That's a good one. Here is another one I told before heard on radio. a guy is sitting in his car waiting for some one & he sees this kid on the curb. He starts watching him. The kid would throw a couple m&m in his mouth, Pick up the cat & bite it on the a*s, Slide down the curb, & repeat the whole process over & over again. The guy got out of his car & asks the kid what are you doing. The kid said playing truck driver. The guy said huh. The kid said I'm popping pills eating pu*sy & moving on down the line.

[firefighter]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner when her daughter asks, "Mother, where do babies come from?" The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, "Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The child seems to comprehend and asks, "Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" Her mother retorts, "You get Jewelry my dear, expensive Jewelry!"

[tobyg3]

Her mother retorts, "You get Jewelry my dear, expensive Jewelry!"

Yeah, that didn't work for my ex. Good joke, though.

[firefighter]

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make a Doctor's appointment, and by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

[Phoenix]

  ;Danother great joke firefighter

[firefighter]

A patient asks, "Doctor, can I get AIDS from sitting on a toilet seat?" The doctor replies, "Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up."

[caveman]

That's a good one.

[firefighter]

I saw a fortune teller yesterday. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I had sex with a girl called Penny... is that spooky or what?

[Phoenix]