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Christmas joke (long, but worth it IMHO)

Started by SuitcaseLXIX, Dec 21, 2024, 08:05 PM

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SuitcaseLXIX

It's mid December, and the mailman is making his rounds. He comes to an old Craftsman-style home where he must climb several steps to the porch in order to slip the mail through the slot. As he is depositing the mail, the front door opens, and there stands the lady of the house, very attractive and wearing nothing but a very sheer negligeé

Without uttering a word, she extends her hand, takes the mailman's hand in hers, leads him inside, closes the door behind them and proceeds to escort him to the dining room. The table is immaculate... fancy linen tablecloth and matching napkins, lit candles, fine china and flatware. Still without a single word being spoken, she directs him to the head of the table and pulls out the chair to seat him. She proceeds to serve him a gourmet breakfast... complete with fresh squeezed orange juice, eggs Benedict, homemade sweet rolls, the finest coffee, all exquisite... he finishes the marvelous meal, still with nary a word being exchanged

She again extends her hand, takes his, and ushers him upstairs to the bedroom, still with not a word being spoken. Her negligeé is instantly on the floor followed in a heartbeat by his uniform, they climb onto the bed and proceed to engage in a love-making marathon of unbridled passion and unequaled intimacy. Eventually, again without speaking, they arise, get dressed, and she leads him back downstairs to the entrance hall.

She opens the front door, but as he is about to leave, she breaks the silence for the very first time... "Wait! Don't leave yet!" she shrieks, and she scurries off into another room. She returns immediately with her purse, opens it, removes her wallet, opens it, removes a $1 bill and hands it to him

Now he speaks for the first time...
"Breakfast was wonderful, 'dessert' was even better... but the dollar? Meh. He continues..."but this whole thing has me extremely confused.  Please, tell me, what the hell is going on here?"

She replies...
"well, a couple of nights ago, my husband and I were sitting around discussing what to give various people as Christmas gifts."
"I asked him 'what should we give the mailman?' "
"He answered me by saying 'Him? Fuck him! Give him a buck!' "
Then she gleefully adds "Breakfast was MY idea!"
After all was said and done, a lot more got said than done

Of everything I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most

I am disciple of ancient Chinese philosopher Confused-us

Those who don't have patience soon become patients