Joke

[Prospector Bob]

A Husband is Down in Aisle 5!


A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, they carry on shopping.

A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."


That's him on the floor in Aisle 5.

[caveman]

No beers were Harmed in the making of this Joke!

[firefighter]

The Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you don't want to be seen.

[Cobia]

The Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone with whom you don't want to be seen.

That is so true.

[firefighter]

"Chastity is curable, if detected early."

[caveman]

How early are we talking?

[firefighter]

Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times for food, beer or the restroom and who leave early before the end of the performance or event. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

[Just Tom]

celibacy is not hereditary

[caveman]

All Thank God!!!!! For a minute there I thought I was in big Trouble!

[caveman]

Another one heard on the radio. A mother walks in on her 6 or 7 year old masterbating. She says stop that you'll go blind.
He says all mom can't I just do it until I need glasses!

[firefighter]

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open.
She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back I really should have ran, but you don't get offers like that every day.

[Phoenix]

Chuckles that's great

[firefighter]

A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.
He puts the crocodile on the bar.
He turns to the astonished patrons and says, 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside.'

The Drover continues, 'Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his private parts in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer, 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up... 'I'll try it... if you promise not to hit me with a beer bottle!'

[firefighter]

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK, you released me from the lamp, so you probably want me to grant you three wishes. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete... how much steel! No, think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'... know how to make them truly happy..."

The genie retorted, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

[firefighter]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."